Better in Pairs | Healthy Marriage Tips From A His & Her Perspective

Pictures by: ArmandHugon

Three years ago today I said I DO! I will never forget that sunny June 14th when I married my best friend. It was a year and a half of planning and we poured our heart, sweat, and tears into having the wedding that we wanted. After the big party and the honeymoon is over that's when real life begins. For married couples, falling in love and the "I do" part is the easy part. The part where people like to call "happily ever after" is the hard part. Marriage takes a lot of work, effort, and sacrifice to maintain a healthy one. 

I'm not going to lie to you guys; marriage always scared the crap out of me because my family doesn't have the best track record in that department. Every day though, I put my trust in God and me and my husband work hard at our marriage. Some days are easier than others but at the end of the day we put in the effort and want to be here and love each other. Today I wanted to share a few tips from me and my husband's perspective on maintaining a healthy marriage. 

Outfit Details His: Suit (blazer here & pants here), Top, Sunglasses: H&M | Shoes: c/o Hush Puppies (here) | Socks: Macy's | Pin: Roc Nation

Outfit Details Her: Dress (sold out, similar here) & Earrings: H&M | Bag: ToSave.com | Shoes: c/o Hush Puppies (here) | Sunglasses: Flower Eyewear (here)

Her

Ladies first! I'm going to be biased and say I have the best husband ever. He's super patient and supportive and that's two qualities I love about him. For me, those qualities make the "bad days" worth it. Marriage itself has taught me so much about myself. Qualities and things I never thought I had in me. Over the last three years, I like to think I've grown and bettered myself in this marriage, individually and together. So in honor of the big three, here are three things (out of many) I've learned to keep my marriage healthy. 

1 Communication

It's very important to share everything, especially how you are feeling. Nobody is a mind reader unless you are Houdini or something. I used to keep things in and maybe sometimes I still am guilty of this, but if I don't voice my feelings or whatever it is I am thinking, then how is my spouse supposed to know? It's almost like I expect him to know what I'm thinking and that's not fair to him. There is no way to be on the same page as your spouse if you don't communicate. The topic of communication in marriage can go so much further. I think when hearing your spouse out in whatever he or she has to say there needs to be understanding and validation.

2 Never go to bed mad

 I've always heard this saying but when I experienced it first hand it made sense to me. Going to bed mad without resolving or talking about something makes you wake up ready for round 2 the next day. 

I once read a study that said that the brain reorganizes the way negative memories are stored before bed, thereby making it harder to forget in the future. So don't let bad feelings harden into resentment. Talk about it before bed. Even if something doesn't get resolved in that moment, both parties should talk about the situation. 

3 Affection

Affection reproduces more affection! Down to a touch, kiss, a hug, cuddling or caressing your spouses head can keep you connected. My favorite is always cuddling on the couch while watching TV with my husband. That always puts me in a carefree state of mind. It's crazy what someone's physical touch can do. Affection doesn't always have to be physical and that's very important to me in our marriage. A simple text during the day, planning a date night, or even when he unexpectedly brings me something as little as coffee home means a lot to me. 

His 

A true gentleman always lets his lady come first (take THAT how you want to, haha, #JustKidding). Hi! So, as men, we are taught to either not show our emotion because it isn't "manly" or to convey our thoughts like cavemen when in reality there is power in being able to express yourself succinctly and appropriately. I guess I'll do just that with my three tips learned through three years.

1 Hear what your partner is saying
It's really important that you give your partner the space to feel validated and heard. Some of us think that because we dedicated 20 minutes to hear your story about how Elaine threw away your fax confirmation sheet that that is enough. You learn that if they are taking the time to tell you the story, then you owe it to them to actually listen to the story. Hear the angst and the frustration and give it its appropriate space. Otherwise, they will just share the story with a wall and be done with you.

2 Give yourself

Everyone always says they cannot wait to share their lives with somebody, but then they turn around and refuse to share their lives. Tell your person what drives you, what scares you, what frustrates you, and what makes your eyes light up. Share the story behind the physical scar on your waist, or how cancer scares you. Talk about how you wanted to be a world famous rapper or how you really do want to own a helicopter. Give that person as much of you as you can as often as you can, and let them love you for you.

3 Fall in love again and again
When I was younger, I thought you fell in love once and that was it. Then life kicks the crap out of you and you realize that this is not a one and done kind of thing. You have to fall in love every chance you get because that is what keeps our hearts whole. Do not be afraid to feel something, anything. Let your heart guide you to things that challenge you, and motivate you, and that intoxicate you. Then embrace those feelings. When we first met, Patty loved banking and math, but now she is a full-time blogger. I was going to be the next Jay-Z, now I'm going to be President. Follow your bliss, follow that love, wherever it takes you. Your marriage will be better for it. Oh, and dance. Dance no matter how stupid the world thinks it looks.

PS: Love you bubula, xo.

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Thank you to Hush Puppies for our amazing pair of shoes and ArmandHugon for all these amazing pictures. Hope you guys enjoyed this post and to my sweet husband, I look forward to many more celebrations! Cheers! 🎉 

XO